I'm terrified of sexual assault. I don't want myself or anyone else in this world to go through it. Although I know people of all ages, genders and (skin) colours may undergo sexual assault, I speak of my experiences and perspectives as a 22 year old woman of colour. I am terrified of sexual assault.… Continue reading The fear of sexual assault
Tag: fear
Just getting things off my chest
Living abroad is a whole different kind of challenge that I have never experienced before. I usually try not to think about the difficulties but it's been getting to me lately. My friendships feel superficial, I don't understand the language, and going to the grocery store is an anxiety-provoking activity. I have never, ever felt… Continue reading Just getting things off my chest
Night silence
You know, living alone, it's the nights that are the quietest. Past 8:00 PM, when nearly everybody from my old life is asleep and everybody from my new life seemingly has plans. I unlock my phone and there's no messages. I open someone's chat and hope to see them online. But they're not. Or, they… Continue reading Night silence
I don’t deserve a good friend
There's some things about myself that I just haven't been able to put into words so far. But I'm going to try right now. Hopefully I can unpack this enough to help myself start working on it. I do my best to be a positive influence on others' lives. I try to help them in… Continue reading I don’t deserve a good friend
Imposter
Sometimes this feeling of utter and complete mediocrity washes over me. I feel as if the ones closest to me are just so much better than I am, have more figured out than I do and are all-around more mature than me. I don't like that. Because more often than not, that feeling is mainly… Continue reading Imposter
17 days
So, I'm leaving in about 17 days. Moving to another country, leaving this life behind and starting a new one. It's a period of many changes, ends and beginnings. I'm leaving. It doesn't get anymore real than that. Well, I've been spending my last few days home with my friends, a little bit with my… Continue reading 17 days
Should I not leave?
My immigration form for the Netherlands came yesterday and it's all feeling so real now. Things are moving fast, really fast. And I feel really unprepared about the whole thing. I feel like I don't know anything about the immigration process, housing applications and life in general outside my home. It's really terrifying me. What's… Continue reading Should I not leave?
Independence
I had somewhat of a mini-breakthrough today. For months, I've been subconsciously afraid of leaving the country, living on my own and stepping into the full-blown adult life. It's a fear I've been trying to ignore, or minimise, yet it's nearly always at the back of my mind. I mean, it's going to be my… Continue reading Independence
Fear of COVID 19
This pandemic has shaken a lot of us up, myself included. Like everyone else, I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. This is unchartered territory for me. I have never been advised to stay home for as long as we have, I have never gone so long without seeing my friends… Continue reading Fear of COVID 19
Train
I'm afraid of not being good at things. If you've read some of my previous posts or know me personally, you've probably picked up on this. I am terrified of being average. So terrified, in fact, that being bad at something is simply not an option. Just the thought of being bad at something, anything,… Continue reading Train
Memoirs of a Muse 