Sometimes this feeling of utter and complete mediocrity washes over me. I feel as if the ones closest to me are just so much better than I am, have more figured out than I do and are all-around more mature than me. I don’t like that. Because more often than not, that feeling is mainly directed towards the most important male in my life at that moment. I feel, oh, he’s so much better. Cooler, put together and more talented. When I look at him, I see him looking down at me for my flaws.
It’s a crazy kind of imposter syndrome, to feel that way about people you know care about you. Of course, sometimes people I care about can be condescending too but when I’m feeling this way, it just feels completely blown out of proportion.