The world killed the poet in me

I think the world has killed the poet in me. Or rather, the world has killed the poetry in me. As I grow older, I find myself becoming more practical, sensible, and logic-driven than I was as a child. As a child, I had my head up in the clouds, I loved poetry, I had… Continue reading The world killed the poet in me

Moving out

It's 8:53 AM on Monday morning, August 15, 2022. I have to move out of my little studio by noon. That's 3 hours and 7 minutes to go. 3 hours and 7 minutes until this little studio apartment is no longer my home. It's breaking my heart a little. This is very personal to me,… Continue reading Moving out

Difficulty breathing

I've been having trouble breathing lately. It's been pretty bad, so much so that I had to visit the doctor for it, only for her to tell me: "you should do some breathing exercises". Yeah, that's useful. This isn't a physical issue, it's a psychological one. It's the anxiety and the stress getting to me.… Continue reading Difficulty breathing

The fear of sexual assault

I'm terrified of sexual assault. I don't want myself or anyone else in this world to go through it. Although I know people of all ages, genders and (skin) colours may undergo sexual assault, I speak of my experiences and perspectives as a 22 year old woman of colour. I am terrified of sexual assault.… Continue reading The fear of sexual assault

I can’t sleep / going home

I can't sleep tonight. Or rather, I don't want to sleep tonight. There's a lot on my mind if I'm being honest, but the feeling in my chest right now is something unique. There's a heaviness in my chest that I have only felt since I have moved to Amsterdam. The heaviness is what I… Continue reading I can’t sleep / going home

How my father affects my YA life

When I was a toddler, I built an incredibly strong bond with my father. He would read me books, from cover to cover. He would tell me the night time stories he grew up listening to. And him and I would, nearly every weekend, have our father-daughter time in our red Santro, on the way… Continue reading How my father affects my YA life

Just getting things off my chest

Living abroad is a whole different kind of challenge that I have never experienced before. I usually try not to think about the difficulties but it's been getting to me lately. My friendships feel superficial, I don't understand the language, and going to the grocery store is an anxiety-provoking activity. I have never, ever felt… Continue reading Just getting things off my chest

My brother turned 17

My little brother turned 17 without me today. He's growing older and I'm on the other side of the globe, wishing I could be there to celebrate with him. He's the most important person in my life and I would do absolutely anything for him. It's so incredibly difficult to be so far away from… Continue reading My brother turned 17

Hi S,

Hi S,  How are you doing? You probably don’t read my blog, but I felt like writing you this letter anyway. It’s been two and a half years since we parted ways. And it’s been a little over two years since I have seen your face. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy… Continue reading Hi S,

Night silence

You know, living alone, it's the nights that are the quietest. Past 8:00 PM, when nearly everybody from my old life is asleep and everybody from my new life seemingly has plans. I unlock my phone and there's no messages. I open someone's chat and hope to see them online. But they're not. Or, they… Continue reading Night silence