One of the deepest realisations I have had in my early adult life is that my brother is nothing like me, and this realisation has percolated down to my outlook on friends, acquaintances, and even my parents. You see, when I was younger, there was a time when I didn't really do as well at… Continue reading My brother is nothing like me
D7.19
A few months ago, my supervisor applied for a grant that would allow him to keep me in Amsterdam - so that we could work together, so I could learn more from him, and so I could support myself while doing it. The research topic is very interesting to me - very, very challenging because… Continue reading D7.19
Feeling dissociated
Trigger warning: self-harm I feel like I've talked about this time and time again on my blog, but, for me, talking about this never seems to get old. And my blog is the space I use to explore such thoughts in an unadulterated manner. So, here I am. I used to self-harm as a teenager.… Continue reading Feeling dissociated
Fake pedestals
When I was younger, there used to be people I used to look up to, admire and endlessly compare myself to. These people used to be friends, some adults around me, or perhaps even my own extended family. They seemed to have something special about them, you know? Something that put them on the right… Continue reading Fake pedestals
A dream this morning
I had a really sweet dream this morning, and I want to write it down before I forget. In the dream, I was at university (which, by the way, barely resembled the university I attend) to give an exam. I was climbing up a flight of stairs when I glanced over my shoulder to ask… Continue reading A dream this morning
Back to India
I'm going to be in India soon. 9 days to be exact. At this time, in 9 days, I will be with my family and in my childhood home. I could not be more excited. Going back to India feels a little like going on vacation but simultaneously going back home. It's really odd. This… Continue reading Back to India
My father deserved better than this
TW: A visual description of death and grief My grandpa passed away on Monday. I wrote about it. I was sad, but now I'm angry. I didn't ask how or where it happened the past three days because of everything that was going on. My father was in visible pain, it was not the right… Continue reading My father deserved better than this
Grandpa
My grandpa passed away this morning. I didn't really know him well; I think we were close when I was a child, but he was sick for most of my adolescent and adult life. Nearly all the clear memories I have of him are from when he was frail, small, and old. I can't really… Continue reading Grandpa
A song
A song called "Though I know"
UvA acceptance
I can still somewhat remember the evening I got into university. It was in February, I think. Nothing extraordinary. I remember walking from the living room and into my room, plopping down at my desk. I opened my laptop, and there it was, sent just a few minutes ago. An email from the University of… Continue reading UvA acceptance
Memoirs of a Muse 