My father deserved better than this

TW: A visual description of death and grief My grandpa passed away on Monday. I wrote about it. I was sad, but now I'm angry. I didn't ask how or where it happened the past three days because of everything that was going on. My father was in visible pain, it was not the right… Continue reading My father deserved better than this

Grandpa

My grandpa passed away this morning. I didn't really know him well; I think we were close when I was a child, but he was sick for most of my adolescent and adult life. Nearly all the clear memories I have of him are from when he was frail, small, and old. I can't really… Continue reading Grandpa

The world killed the poet in me

I think the world has killed the poet in me. Or rather, the world has killed the poetry in me. As I grow older, I find myself becoming more practical, sensible, and logic-driven than I was as a child. As a child, I had my head up in the clouds, I loved poetry, I had… Continue reading The world killed the poet in me

I can’t sleep / going home

I can't sleep tonight. Or rather, I don't want to sleep tonight. There's a lot on my mind if I'm being honest, but the feeling in my chest right now is something unique. There's a heaviness in my chest that I have only felt since I have moved to Amsterdam. The heaviness is what I… Continue reading I can’t sleep / going home

How my father affects my YA life

When I was a toddler, I built an incredibly strong bond with my father. He would read me books, from cover to cover. He would tell me the night time stories he grew up listening to. And him and I would, nearly every weekend, have our father-daughter time in our red Santro, on the way… Continue reading How my father affects my YA life

Just getting things off my chest

Living abroad is a whole different kind of challenge that I have never experienced before. I usually try not to think about the difficulties but it's been getting to me lately. My friendships feel superficial, I don't understand the language, and going to the grocery store is an anxiety-provoking activity. I have never, ever felt… Continue reading Just getting things off my chest

Hi S,

Hi S,  How are you doing? You probably don’t read my blog, but I felt like writing you this letter anyway. It’s been two and a half years since we parted ways. And it’s been a little over two years since I have seen your face. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy… Continue reading Hi S,

Night silence

You know, living alone, it's the nights that are the quietest. Past 8:00 PM, when nearly everybody from my old life is asleep and everybody from my new life seemingly has plans. I unlock my phone and there's no messages. I open someone's chat and hope to see them online. But they're not. Or, they… Continue reading Night silence

Loneliness

As I grow older, there's this pervasive sense of loneliness that grows within me. It was a small blot as a child, barely noticeable but as I enter adulthood, it's been growing and growing and growing. And I see no way of stopping it. I crave real relationships, deeper relationships. I crave a shoulder to… Continue reading Loneliness