A shift in the cosmos

Last night, I was on my rooftop with a friend. We were walking, talking and watching the clouds change shape. When I'm with him, there's no masks on. I don't feel the need to behave a certain way or say certain things, I'm just me. Authentic, real me. I'm honest with him, more honest than… Continue reading A shift in the cosmos

Healing stress through gratitude

Nobody ever told me how absolutely stressful going abroad to study is. Maybe things are more difficult because of the pandemic, but this is a kind of stress and worry that I have never experienced before. Nearly every night, I'll receive an email from university, or some other important entity I'm interacting with and it… Continue reading Healing stress through gratitude

Packing up my things

Last afternoon, I began packing up my things and putting them in boxes for when I leave. I dropped books and little trinkets into those boxes one by one. And as I did, I realised that I wasn't just packing up my things. I was packing up my life, my childhood. 21 years of existence… Continue reading Packing up my things

A Proactive Approach

There's a lot of things to do right now. Immigration. Paying my fees for university. Housing. So many things. In fact, just this week (as I wrote in my last post), I had a bit of a mini-breakdown thinking about whether it's even worth leaving the country, spending so much money and living alone. But… Continue reading A Proactive Approach

Should I not leave?

My immigration form for the Netherlands came yesterday and it's all feeling so real now. Things are moving fast, really fast. And I feel really unprepared about the whole thing. I feel like I don't know anything about the immigration process, housing applications and life in general outside my home. It's really terrifying me. What's… Continue reading Should I not leave?

Not reading lately

I haven't been reading lately and it's gnawing at me. I was someone who used to be glued to a book as a child, even as a teenager. But the past few months, I feel like this part of me has been slipping away. I keep making excuses not to read; telling myself I'm too… Continue reading Not reading lately

‘Different’

I went out for lunch with some school friends today. The last time that I met them was years ago, the last time we had a conversation that lasted more than two minutes was months ago. I've never been one to maintain friendships that have run their course; most times, I stop making an effort… Continue reading ‘Different’

My grandfather’s advice

I just got off the phone with my grandfather. He's a stern and methodical man, he always has been. I've admired him for his need for order, love of lists, habit of writing things down and undying curiosity. I share these characteristics too and I truly believe that these things have rubbed off on me,… Continue reading My grandfather’s advice

Budget plans

Last evening, my dad and I spent hours making a budget plan for my study abroad. It's not that I've been accepted anyplace yet, but it was a requirement for someplace I'm applying to. At first, it was okay. I kept thinking, oh, we can afford this, it's not that big a deal. But then,… Continue reading Budget plans

Clay

Have you ever wondered about who you are? What are those little things that make you into you? What are your likes, dislikes and characteristics? Who are you? The thought just occurred to me a couple moments ago. I was laying in bed, watching a video and it happened, I asked myself: Who am I?… Continue reading Clay