One of the deepest realisations I have had in my early adult life is that my brother is nothing like me, and this realisation has percolated down to my outlook on friends, acquaintances, and even my parents. You see, when I was younger, there was a time when I didn't really do as well at… Continue reading My brother is nothing like me
Category: Reflections
D7.19
A few months ago, my supervisor applied for a grant that would allow him to keep me in Amsterdam - so that we could work together, so I could learn more from him, and so I could support myself while doing it. The research topic is very interesting to me - very, very challenging because… Continue reading D7.19
A dream this morning
I had a really sweet dream this morning, and I want to write it down before I forget. In the dream, I was at university (which, by the way, barely resembled the university I attend) to give an exam. I was climbing up a flight of stairs when I glanced over my shoulder to ask… Continue reading A dream this morning
UvA acceptance
I can still somewhat remember the evening I got into university. It was in February, I think. Nothing extraordinary. I remember walking from the living room and into my room, plopping down at my desk. I opened my laptop, and there it was, sent just a few minutes ago. An email from the University of… Continue reading UvA acceptance
I lied
*written a short while ago, I can't remember exactly when I lied today. About two weeks ago, while cleaning the living room of the apartment I share with my roommates, I think I broke the hand grip thing on a pot lid. Of course, it wasn't intentional, and I must've dropped it or something. I… Continue reading I lied
Rejection
Rejection is not pretty. I don't like it, and I don't imagine that anyone else does either. To me, rejection feels a lot like failure. And I don't like failing. I think my whole life, whether it is personal or academic, revolves around me doing things that minimise my chance of failure. I do not… Continue reading Rejection
1,000 days of gratitude
Today, I completed 1,000 days of practising gratitude every night before I go to bed. I am so glad I follow this practice, it helps me find the little joys in my life - the people and even the magic in routines and mundaneness. Even on the bad days, I have always found at least… Continue reading 1,000 days of gratitude
Moving out
It's 8:53 AM on Monday morning, August 15, 2022. I have to move out of my little studio by noon. That's 3 hours and 7 minutes to go. 3 hours and 7 minutes until this little studio apartment is no longer my home. It's breaking my heart a little. This is very personal to me,… Continue reading Moving out
Difficulty breathing
I've been having trouble breathing lately. It's been pretty bad, so much so that I had to visit the doctor for it, only for her to tell me: "you should do some breathing exercises". Yeah, that's useful. This isn't a physical issue, it's a psychological one. It's the anxiety and the stress getting to me.… Continue reading Difficulty breathing
My brother turned 17
My little brother turned 17 without me today. He's growing older and I'm on the other side of the globe, wishing I could be there to celebrate with him. He's the most important person in my life and I would do absolutely anything for him. It's so incredibly difficult to be so far away from… Continue reading My brother turned 17
Memoirs of a Muse 