Night silence

You know, living alone, it's the nights that are the quietest. Past 8:00 PM, when nearly everybody from my old life is asleep and everybody from my new life seemingly has plans. I unlock my phone and there's no messages. I open someone's chat and hope to see them online. But they're not. Or, they… Continue reading Night silence

My Parisian fairytale

So, I was in Paris for about a week. Five days to be exact. The trip was absolutely magical. Genuinely, it was ethereal. I fell in awe of the city, the people and the atmosphere. I like big cities, I grew up in one. Paris felt like being transported back to India in the confines… Continue reading My Parisian fairytale

French boy

I met a French boy exactly a week ago. I looked at him and immediately knew I liked him. He was different from most men I've been attracted to in the past. Quiet, shy, smiles to himself when he's thinking and laughs as a defence mechanism. He was cute. Seemed a little inexperienced with girls… Continue reading French boy

Loneliness

As I grow older, there's this pervasive sense of loneliness that grows within me. It was a small blot as a child, barely noticeable but as I enter adulthood, it's been growing and growing and growing. And I see no way of stopping it. I crave real relationships, deeper relationships. I crave a shoulder to… Continue reading Loneliness

I don’t deserve a good friend

There's some things about myself that I just haven't been able to put into words so far. But I'm going to try right now. Hopefully I can unpack this enough to help myself start working on it. I do my best to be a positive influence on others' lives. I try to help them in… Continue reading I don’t deserve a good friend

Imposter

Sometimes this feeling of utter and complete mediocrity washes over me. I feel as if the ones closest to me are just so much better than I am, have more figured out than I do and are all-around more mature than me. I don't like that. Because more often than not, that feeling is mainly… Continue reading Imposter

A shift in the cosmos

Last night, I was on my rooftop with a friend. We were walking, talking and watching the clouds change shape. When I'm with him, there's no masks on. I don't feel the need to behave a certain way or say certain things, I'm just me. Authentic, real me. I'm honest with him, more honest than… Continue reading A shift in the cosmos

17 days

So, I'm leaving in about 17 days. Moving to another country, leaving this life behind and starting a new one. It's a period of many changes, ends and beginnings. I'm leaving. It doesn't get anymore real than that. Well, I've been spending my last few days home with my friends, a little bit with my… Continue reading 17 days

Healing stress through gratitude

Nobody ever told me how absolutely stressful going abroad to study is. Maybe things are more difficult because of the pandemic, but this is a kind of stress and worry that I have never experienced before. Nearly every night, I'll receive an email from university, or some other important entity I'm interacting with and it… Continue reading Healing stress through gratitude

Packing up my things

Last afternoon, I began packing up my things and putting them in boxes for when I leave. I dropped books and little trinkets into those boxes one by one. And as I did, I realised that I wasn't just packing up my things. I was packing up my life, my childhood. 21 years of existence… Continue reading Packing up my things