UvA acceptance

I can still somewhat remember the evening I got into university. It was in February, I think. Nothing extraordinary. I remember walking from the living room and into my room, plopping down at my desk. I opened my laptop, and there it was, sent just a few minutes ago. An email from the University of… Continue reading UvA acceptance

I lied

*written a short while ago, I can't remember exactly when I lied today. About two weeks ago, while cleaning the living room of the apartment I share with my roommates, I think I broke the hand grip thing on a pot lid. Of course, it wasn't intentional, and I must've dropped it or something. I… Continue reading I lied

Rejection

Rejection is not pretty. I don't like it, and I don't imagine that anyone else does either. To me, rejection feels a lot like failure. And I don't like failing. I think my whole life, whether it is personal or academic, revolves around me doing things that minimise my chance of failure. I do not… Continue reading Rejection

The fear of sexual assault

I'm terrified of sexual assault. I don't want myself or anyone else in this world to go through it. Although I know people of all ages, genders and (skin) colours may undergo sexual assault, I speak of my experiences and perspectives as a 22 year old woman of colour. I am terrified of sexual assault.… Continue reading The fear of sexual assault

My brother turned 17

My little brother turned 17 without me today. He's growing older and I'm on the other side of the globe, wishing I could be there to celebrate with him. He's the most important person in my life and I would do absolutely anything for him. It's so incredibly difficult to be so far away from… Continue reading My brother turned 17

Hi S,

Hi S,  How are you doing? You probably don’t read my blog, but I felt like writing you this letter anyway. It’s been two and a half years since we parted ways. And it’s been a little over two years since I have seen your face. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy… Continue reading Hi S,

17 days

So, I'm leaving in about 17 days. Moving to another country, leaving this life behind and starting a new one. It's a period of many changes, ends and beginnings. I'm leaving. It doesn't get anymore real than that. Well, I've been spending my last few days home with my friends, a little bit with my… Continue reading 17 days

Healing stress through gratitude

Nobody ever told me how absolutely stressful going abroad to study is. Maybe things are more difficult because of the pandemic, but this is a kind of stress and worry that I have never experienced before. Nearly every night, I'll receive an email from university, or some other important entity I'm interacting with and it… Continue reading Healing stress through gratitude

Should I not leave?

My immigration form for the Netherlands came yesterday and it's all feeling so real now. Things are moving fast, really fast. And I feel really unprepared about the whole thing. I feel like I don't know anything about the immigration process, housing applications and life in general outside my home. It's really terrifying me. What's… Continue reading Should I not leave?

Waiting for the next ‘big thing’

Lately, it feels like my days are just 'fillers' until I go away to college. Everyday feels the same: I wake up, do my morning chores, sit in front of my laptop and just stare. Nothing feels like it has any value anymore. I think the pandemic plays a part in it, of course. But… Continue reading Waiting for the next ‘big thing’