Stability, and not him

Therapy has been insightful for me in some ways more than others. My therapist and I talk about quite a few things, I use my time with her as a means to unpack my thoughts, challenge my beliefs and work through emotions. But something she said to me during our last session has stuck with… Continue reading Stability, and not him

My father deserved better than this

TW: A visual description of death and grief My grandpa passed away on Monday. I wrote about it. I was sad, but now I'm angry. I didn't ask how or where it happened the past three days because of everything that was going on. My father was in visible pain, it was not the right… Continue reading My father deserved better than this

Grandpa

My grandpa passed away this morning. I didn't really know him well; I think we were close when I was a child, but he was sick for most of my adolescent and adult life. Nearly all the clear memories I have of him are from when he was frail, small, and old. I can't really… Continue reading Grandpa

UvA acceptance

I can still somewhat remember the evening I got into university. It was in February, I think. Nothing extraordinary. I remember walking from the living room and into my room, plopping down at my desk. I opened my laptop, and there it was, sent just a few minutes ago. An email from the University of… Continue reading UvA acceptance

I lied

*written a short while ago, I can't remember exactly when I lied today. About two weeks ago, while cleaning the living room of the apartment I share with my roommates, I think I broke the hand grip thing on a pot lid. Of course, it wasn't intentional, and I must've dropped it or something. I… Continue reading I lied

Rejection

Rejection is not pretty. I don't like it, and I don't imagine that anyone else does either. To me, rejection feels a lot like failure. And I don't like failing. I think my whole life, whether it is personal or academic, revolves around me doing things that minimise my chance of failure. I do not… Continue reading Rejection

1,000 days of gratitude

Today, I completed 1,000 days of practising gratitude every night before I go to bed. I am so glad I follow this practice, it helps me find the little joys in my life - the people and even the magic in routines and mundaneness. Even on the bad days, I have always found at least… Continue reading 1,000 days of gratitude

The world killed the poet in me

I think the world has killed the poet in me. Or rather, the world has killed the poetry in me. As I grow older, I find myself becoming more practical, sensible, and logic-driven than I was as a child. As a child, I had my head up in the clouds, I loved poetry, I had… Continue reading The world killed the poet in me

Moving out

It's 8:53 AM on Monday morning, August 15, 2022. I have to move out of my little studio by noon. That's 3 hours and 7 minutes to go. 3 hours and 7 minutes until this little studio apartment is no longer my home. It's breaking my heart a little. This is very personal to me,… Continue reading Moving out