Stability, and not him

Therapy has been insightful for me in some ways more than others. My therapist and I talk about quite a few things, I use my time with her as a means to unpack my thoughts, challenge my beliefs and work through emotions. But something she said to me during our last session has stuck with… Continue reading Stability, and not him

Rejection

Rejection is not pretty. I don't like it, and I don't imagine that anyone else does either. To me, rejection feels a lot like failure. And I don't like failing. I think my whole life, whether it is personal or academic, revolves around me doing things that minimise my chance of failure. I do not… Continue reading Rejection

The world killed the poet in me

I think the world has killed the poet in me. Or rather, the world has killed the poetry in me. As I grow older, I find myself becoming more practical, sensible, and logic-driven than I was as a child. As a child, I had my head up in the clouds, I loved poetry, I had… Continue reading The world killed the poet in me

My Parisian fairytale

So, I was in Paris for about a week. Five days to be exact. The trip was absolutely magical. Genuinely, it was ethereal. I fell in awe of the city, the people and the atmosphere. I like big cities, I grew up in one. Paris felt like being transported back to India in the confines… Continue reading My Parisian fairytale

A shift in the cosmos

Last night, I was on my rooftop with a friend. We were walking, talking and watching the clouds change shape. When I'm with him, there's no masks on. I don't feel the need to behave a certain way or say certain things, I'm just me. Authentic, real me. I'm honest with him, more honest than… Continue reading A shift in the cosmos

17 days

So, I'm leaving in about 17 days. Moving to another country, leaving this life behind and starting a new one. It's a period of many changes, ends and beginnings. I'm leaving. It doesn't get anymore real than that. Well, I've been spending my last few days home with my friends, a little bit with my… Continue reading 17 days

My grandfather’s advice

I just got off the phone with my grandfather. He's a stern and methodical man, he always has been. I've admired him for his need for order, love of lists, habit of writing things down and undying curiosity. I share these characteristics too and I truly believe that these things have rubbed off on me,… Continue reading My grandfather’s advice

Bad days

Everyone has good days and bad days. I've been having a couple of meh-ish, bad days in a row now. It's not too serious, but I feel like these things build up, you know? My bad days usually start with a feeling of heaviness when I wake up in the morning; maybe because of a… Continue reading Bad days

Wind-up toy

I believe that I do relatively well at university - both academically, in my co-curricular and extra-curricular activities. My marks, certificates and volunteering proves that. I think I do relatively well, or rather, I think others think I do relatively well. Lately, it's been a good time, achievement-wise for me - I've been interviewing people… Continue reading Wind-up toy

Some things never go away

When I was a teenager, I self-harmed. I would cut myself every time I got upset or sad or angry. I was around 13 years old when I first did it, I was really sad about something, but I just can't remember what. By the time I turned 17, it was a terrible dependency. I… Continue reading Some things never go away