Last night, I was on my rooftop with a friend. We were walking, talking and watching the clouds change shape. When I’m with him, there’s no masks on. I don’t feel the need to behave a certain way or say certain things, I’m just me. Authentic, real me. I’m honest with him, more honest than I am with anybody else in my life.
So as we sat on my terrace, watching the trees, night sky and city lights; I expressed my fears about leaving home to him. I shared with him how I’m happier now than I have been in quite some time. How I’m in love with my life, the people around me and the way I’m feeling. I told him that I feel like a real person, which is something I’ve had trouble with for a while now. And I expressed to him how afraid I was to leave this wonderful life I’ve built for myself and move across the globe, having to rebuild it from ground up.
He knows I’m excited, yet terrified. He knows I’m afraid that things will never be as good as they are at this moment. Yet, while I kept saying things like “We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully, it’ll all be good”, he only repeated that it’s going to be wonderful, great and better than here even. He told me not to even consider the negative side of things. He said that things are going to go your way, and that’s it. That’s that.
Earlier, when he’d say things like this, it would always confuse me. Sometimes I’d feel rather annoyed at his unrelenting positivity, zeal for life and mindfulness of the good. But yesterday, I understood it. Something shifted in me when he was holding my hand and saying those words to me. I finally understood what he meant.
And I don’t know. As the night got older, something in the cosmos changed. Changed for the better.
Memoirs of a Muse 