Rejection is not pretty. I don't like it, and I don't imagine that anyone else does either. To me, rejection feels a lot like failure. And I don't like failing. I think my whole life, whether it is personal or academic, revolves around me doing things that minimise my chance of failure. I do not… Continue reading Rejection
1,000 days of gratitude
Today, I completed 1,000 days of practising gratitude every night before I go to bed. I am so glad I follow this practice, it helps me find the little joys in my life - the people and even the magic in routines and mundaneness. Even on the bad days, I have always found at least… Continue reading 1,000 days of gratitude
The world killed the poet in me
I think the world has killed the poet in me. Or rather, the world has killed the poetry in me. As I grow older, I find myself becoming more practical, sensible, and logic-driven than I was as a child. As a child, I had my head up in the clouds, I loved poetry, I had… Continue reading The world killed the poet in me
Moving out
It's 8:53 AM on Monday morning, August 15, 2022. I have to move out of my little studio by noon. That's 3 hours and 7 minutes to go. 3 hours and 7 minutes until this little studio apartment is no longer my home. It's breaking my heart a little. This is very personal to me,… Continue reading Moving out
Difficulty breathing
I've been having trouble breathing lately. It's been pretty bad, so much so that I had to visit the doctor for it, only for her to tell me: "you should do some breathing exercises". Yeah, that's useful. This isn't a physical issue, it's a psychological one. It's the anxiety and the stress getting to me.… Continue reading Difficulty breathing
The fear of sexual assault
I'm terrified of sexual assault. I don't want myself or anyone else in this world to go through it. Although I know people of all ages, genders and (skin) colours may undergo sexual assault, I speak of my experiences and perspectives as a 22 year old woman of colour. I am terrified of sexual assault.… Continue reading The fear of sexual assault
I can’t sleep / going home
I can't sleep tonight. Or rather, I don't want to sleep tonight. There's a lot on my mind if I'm being honest, but the feeling in my chest right now is something unique. There's a heaviness in my chest that I have only felt since I have moved to Amsterdam. The heaviness is what I… Continue reading I can’t sleep / going home
How my father affects my YA life
When I was a toddler, I built an incredibly strong bond with my father. He would read me books, from cover to cover. He would tell me the night time stories he grew up listening to. And him and I would, nearly every weekend, have our father-daughter time in our red Santro, on the way… Continue reading How my father affects my YA life
Just getting things off my chest
Living abroad is a whole different kind of challenge that I have never experienced before. I usually try not to think about the difficulties but it's been getting to me lately. My friendships feel superficial, I don't understand the language, and going to the grocery store is an anxiety-provoking activity. I have never, ever felt… Continue reading Just getting things off my chest
My brother turned 17
My little brother turned 17 without me today. He's growing older and I'm on the other side of the globe, wishing I could be there to celebrate with him. He's the most important person in my life and I would do absolutely anything for him. It's so incredibly difficult to be so far away from… Continue reading My brother turned 17
Memoirs of a Muse 