2025 was a difficult year for me. I think this was (is) the most stressed I have been during my adult life. I feel like I've struggled through this year instead of thriving in it. Stress, so much stress. Work, family, therapy, complicated relationships. Financial decisions, financial confrontations. Keeping the pace at work through it… Continue reading 2026
Category: Reflections
Identifying my patterns
Lately, I've been making a genuine effort to identify my patterns as a first step to changing the harmful ones. I've been trying to observe when I shut down, when I get annoyed, irked, or frustrated. I'm trying to understand why I react to things a certain way, and I've been trying to be cognizant… Continue reading Identifying my patterns
What the fuck
My initial reaction to seeing the report that the psychiatrist shared with me was, "What the fuck?" I had been expecting a summary of our discussion and the psychiatrist's diagnosis. I was anticipating reading her perspective on things. But all I get is, "Diagnosis: Obsessive compulsive personality traits,OCD,in remission"? This is literally verbatim. I haven't… Continue reading What the fuck
Dissociation
I know that I dissociate, probably not to a great extent, but it happens. Last night, I had a unique experience with dissociating from my thoughts/feelings. It was really interesting. Usually, when I experience dissociation or something similar, I realise it only later. I realise it only once I'm out of that situation and look… Continue reading Dissociation
2025
It's 2025. Wow. Last year, I wrote that I wanted 2024 to be a year of self-exploration. I wanted to understand myself better, put myself in tough situations, and learn how to adapt. I've done that and so much more this past year. 2024 has been one of the wildest years of my life so… Continue reading 2025
My life is so beautiful
My life has been so beautiful so far. I have had the most wonderful experiences. I have travelled (albeit not nearly as much as I would like), I have had a loving and supportive family, I have built the warmest and closest friendships, and I have loved and been loved by so many people. I… Continue reading My life is so beautiful
Fra
One of my best friends in the whole entire world moved back to her home country today. She's like a sister to me. We lived together for a year and became so used to each others' presence in our everyday life. I am so used to seeing her first thing in the morning while she… Continue reading Fra
PhD position
I felt like I was about to get a freaking heart attack when I first found out that I'd been accepted for the PhD position I had applied for. Gosh, I remember that feeling so starkly. I had just arrived at work a few minutes ago, had pulled out my phone to look at something,… Continue reading PhD position
2024
It's the new year. 2024. I came to museumplein to see the fireworks this year. By myself. I was supposed to be here with a few friends but they decided not to come at the last moment because of the rain. I'm so, so, so glad that I decided to come by myself. I'm so… Continue reading 2024
Shitty parents
I've been around some really shitty parents throughout my life. I've had people in my life whose parents are incredibly selfish, pathological liars, body-shamers, homophobic, and downright nasty to their children. Their mistreatment of their children was never physical, but the emotional and mental turmoil that they must have put their children through is enough… Continue reading Shitty parents
Memoirs of a Muse 