I lied

*written a short while ago, I can’t remember exactly when

I lied today. About two weeks ago, while cleaning the living room of the apartment I share with my roommates, I think I broke the hand grip thing on a pot lid. Of course, it wasn’t intentional, and I must’ve dropped it or something. I don’t remember, but I’m fairly certain that I am the one who broke it. No, I have to say it. I broke it. There. And I completely forgot about it until today.

This morning, the first thing when I wake up, I see that one of my roommates is quite angry about it and was asking who broke it. The pot had been a gift from her mother. Another roommate of mine said that she doesn’t use the lid, and she has not seen anyone else using it either, which is true – no one uses that lid. In my sleepy state, I agreed with that roommate.

It took me a few minutes to fully wake up and process things correctly. And then I realised that I had lied. And I felt so, so terrible about it. It has been a while since I have felt this terrible about something. And I immediately wanted to fix it. The entire time during my shower, while making breakfast and while getting ready to leave for my lecture, all I could think about was that lid. In the meantime, my roommates were having the biggest fight about it on the group – I don’t think it was all about the pot lid I think something happened between them before I woke up. Still, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.

I fought myself about it for about forty minutes before deciding that this wasn’t me. I don’t lie. Not about the big things. So, I texted on the group saying that I was the one who broke it, most likely and that I will absolutely replace it. I can’t describe how good I felt after doing that. Still shitty, but so much less shitty than before.

I felt even less shittier when I found that I could order the lid’s hand grip thing online. Still shitty, but less shitty than before. I think I’m going to go home, measure the lid and buy a new handle for it.

I do not and will not lie. And this was a lesson to learn. Even a single lie has big consequences, and I don’t want that on my conscience. I always want to tell the truth, no matter how harsh the consequences are. I don’t ever want to lie like this again.