Stress

I haven’t been doing very well since yesterday in terms of my mental health. A lot of stuff has been going on. My university is conducting exams when there was a regulation released that they should be cancelled, there’s a COVID case pretty close to home and I’ve been feeling rather unproductive and inferior lately.

I didn’t really mind giving the exams before, but now there’s a small buzz in the media, students are protesting and discussing on class groups and the University refuses to budge. All this uncertainty on top of my already wavering state is not going well for me. It’s taking a toll on me to the extent that I can’t study for the exams – which start in 2 days, by the way.

I just feel really overwhelmed. Last night was not good. I was up past 2 AM, trying to fall asleep when I went to bed around 10. My anxiety was on this all-time high and I was thinking about the stupidest, most irrelevant things. I woke up feeling a little better, but it didn’t exactly last.

I didn’t think this whole situation, COVID included, was getting to me. But now, it’s slowly creeping up on me and I’m starting to struggle. I was in this space a year ago and I really, really, really DON’T want to go back to it. It was so entirely shitty.

I just want some peace of mind. I want the people I love around me. And I don’t want to deal with this uncertainty for a bit. Just for a little bit, until I feel like I’m back on my feet again.

But I know that that’s not possible, so I guess I’ll just have to suck it up because these are things I can’t avoid.

But it annoys me that I’m in this state again. So damn much.

I wish I had the people I love, not just my family, physically around me. Things would feel so much better.