I went out for lunch with some school friends today. The last time that I met them was years ago, the last time we had a conversation that lasted more than two minutes was months ago. I’ve never been one to maintain friendships that have run their course; most times, I stop making an effort to keep up with friends I don’t feel a real connection with. It’s wrong to do so, but I can’t help it. I’m not great at mundane conversation or the ‘catching up’ that most friends engage in when they meet after a long time. I’m just not, and I never have been.
Still, today I went. And honestly, I felt like a fish out of water the entire time I was there.
It feels like I don’t know these people anymore. They are so different now. I guess that’s what growing up from 16 to 21 years old does to you, but it was more than that. I don’t know them how one knows someone on a deeper level.
The entire time we were there, conversation centred around social media, partying, smoking and social lives. Which is good, because they had a lot to talk about. They run in the same circles, are often partying together and know everyone. But I don’t. I don’t party, I don’t talk to many people and I don’t use social media. Heck, I try to keep myself off IM applications as much as possible.
That’s not the point though, the point is that I had nothing to talk about. The only times I had an answer for them is when they asked me about the university I got accepted to and when I’m moving. Which is, again, absolutely good and okay.
It’s just that I’m very different from them and I’ve always known it. I don’t fit in. My idea of fun is books, the piano and painting while theirs is going out. I think in some ways, there’s an invisible veil that separates us, our thoughts and our lives. They’ll probably never be like me and I’ll probably never be like them.
Just this fact used to make me strangely uncomfortable before. A part of me was really judgemental of them. I still can be at times, but I’m genuinely trying not to be. It’s a force of habit for all of us though, thinking something opinionated when we’re encountered with something we are unfamiliar with.
But now, I don’t care. I am absolutely at peace with the kind of person I am and the things I like. And I’m absolutely at peace with the kind of people my school friends are and the things they like. That judgemental feeling no longer serves a purpose for me. It’s time to let it go.