My life has been so beautiful so far. I have had the most wonderful experiences. I have travelled (albeit not nearly as much as I would like), I have had a loving and supportive family, I have built the warmest and closest friendships, and I have loved and been loved by so many people. I feel such a deep sense of gratitude for my life at the moment. I have been so lucky, and I have so much to cherish. Thank you to the world and to the universe.
It’s hard for me to remind myself every single day of how utterly blessed I am. I wish I would remember to thank the universe every day when I go to work for my dream job, go to the gym to stay active and help my mental health, or see my friends. It’s difficult to appreciate what makes my life my life when I’m in the throes of it. I don’t think of how lucky I am to have the job I do when I’m stressed about a deadline. I don’t think about how thankful I am to be able to afford to go to the gym and to have built a sustainable habit out of it. I don’t think about how my friends, if I only asked them, would (and have) help me with anything I need. Life, it seems to me, becomes this string of mundane thoughts, emotions, and activities. It is rare for me to pause and count the myriad ways I’ve been blessed.
Now, as a chapter of my life slowly comes to a close, I find myself at a crossroads again. It’s a bittersweet feeling, really. I’m leaving behind a cosy, comfortable life that I built for myself. I’m leaving behind people who turned from friends to family (only figuratively, of course). I’m leaving behind a more childish, slightly more young adult version of myself. I have come to love every single aspect of the life I have been living. I have very few regrets in my life, and none are potentially life-altering. I am so lucky for it. So, as this phase of my life ends, I feel no emptiness or unfulfilment. Instead, I find myself buzzing at the possibilities. A little sad to leave this life behind but buzzing nonetheless.
I’m buzzing for my new PhD, living in a new city, and having my own apartment. I’m buzzing about all the learning I’m going to do, all the wonderful people I’m going to encounter, and the life skills I’m going to develop. I’m buzzing about how, when this phase of my life ends, I’ll be 28. Everything that seems scary, terrifying even, for me now, will be something I’ve overcome and flourished despite. Everything that seems foreign, new, and intimidating will be something I’ve conquered during the next four years. I’m going to be older, stronger, and wiser. I’m going to give myself opportunities to love, learn, and grow. Of course, I’m going to falter, fall, and stumble, but I am never going to give up. My new life is going to be just as beautiful as my current one. My new life is going to teach me things I never thought possible.
I’m going to miss my current life. I’m going to miss my old roommate(s), the home we built, my job, my supervisor, and my friends from university. I’m going to miss the comfort I’ve felt, especially over the last year. But my comfort mustn’t ever turn into complacency. So, as everybody else’s lives move on, so shall mine.
My old life was so beautiful. And my new life is going to be so beautiful. I’m buzzing for it.
Memoirs of a Muse 