Fra

One of my best friends in the whole entire world moved back to her home country today. She’s like a sister to me.

We lived together for a year and became so used to each others’ presence in our everyday life. I am so used to seeing her first thing in the morning while she filled her moka with water to make her coffee, and I pulled my overnight oats out of the fridge. I’m so used to seeing her when I/she got back home from work. I’m so used to texting her saying, “hey girl, are you home?” before I biked back home from literally anywhere. It’s so weird that I won’t be doing that anymore. Our lives were so intertwined this past year, and I’m going to miss her so, so, so, so much.

I’m going to miss watching Twilight with her, cooking with her, and lazing around with her on our couch. I’m going to miss doing grocery runs with her, visiting her at work, and cleaning with her. I’m going to miss her stupid jokes, her boisterous laugh, and her tendency to be disgusting sometimes. I’m going to miss how she guffawed when I swore in her native language, how she would be interested in different cultures, and how she passionately discussed her opinions.

I’m going to miss our home and what we had turned it into. Our warm, loving home. It’s so odd to realise that when I go home now, it won’t be our home anymore. She won’t be waiting for me, ready to watch a trashy movie while we’re huddled in our blankets. I won’t see her nearly every single day like I’m used to. I won’t be able to brush my teeth with her before I go to bed or sit in comfortable silence with her in the mornings. I won’t be able to knock on her door or stand beside her while she smokes her cigarettes. I am going to miss her so, so, so, so much.

When we were all saying our goodbyes yesterday, I teared up but couldn’t cry. I didn’t understand it then. I kept wondering why I wasn’t able to cry. I felt detached from the situation. I realise now it’s because it hadn’t hit me yet. I hadn’t realised what her leaving meant yet. It’s hit me now, and I can’t stop the tears.

She is one of my best friends in the whole world. I’m so proud of her for making the decisions she did and having the courage to turn her whole life upside down to do what’s right for her. I’m so excited to see everything she is going to accomplish. She is going to have such a beautiful, fulfilling life. I want that for her more than anything else. But I’m going to miss her so much. I know I’ll see her again. In fact, I see her in two weeks when she visits me in Prague during my conference. But I’m going to miss this phase of life we had together and the beautiful friendship we’ve shared so far. Our friendship is going to change, grow, and evolve, and I’m so excited about that. But I’m going to deeply miss what we have now.