When I was younger, there used to be people I used to look up to, admire and endlessly compare myself to. These people used to be friends, some adults around me, or perhaps even my own extended family.
They seemed to have something special about them, you know? Something that put them on the right path, something that would seemingly guide them to greatness in the future. I used to think that one of my closest friends as a teenager, someone I looked up to for the final two years of highschool was going to do great things. I thought that he’d be the most successful out of us all, be the most accomplished, and the kindest. I thought that he had the character, the grit, and the personality for it. He was seemingly incredible. And everyone was charmed by him, not just me. Parents, teachers, other classmates – everyone thought he had something special.
But looking back, six years later, he’s just as ordinary as the rest of us. Every interaction we’ve had since highschool, I am less and less convinced that he is as great as I once thought he was. I still think he’s capable of great things, don’t get me wrong. But now I doubt his character more, question his grit, and feel ambivalently about his personality. The words he uses to address me, as if we’re still teenagers, the perspective he has towards his life. I don’t know, in some ways, he just seems defeated to me.
It’s like adulthood, after completing his education, has defeated him. But maybe I’m not being empathetic to his situation. Maybe I’m misreading him. Or maybe, I just have a negative opinion of him now.
But he’s not the only person I feel this way about. There are many others who were on fake pedestals in my mind, but no longer are.
Memoirs of a Muse 