Numb to the Numbers

The COVID-19 pandemic has the world at its knees. People are suffering, they’re dying and the rest of us are quarantined with our mental healths possibly weakening.

Despite this, I have faith that we will come out of this victorious, as we have after past epidemics and pandemics.

But there’s something that I want to address, something that just occurred to me when I did my last check of the number of active cases and deaths.

In the beginning, maybe in March, when I had first decided to familiarize myself with the cases, countries and deaths; every time I checked the lists, my heart would spike. I would grow anxious for a moment and worry about the well-being of my loved ones, of humanity.

But now, it seems that I have reached a wall. I no longer feel spikes in my heart rate, anxiety for a moment or worry about well-being. I feel so overwhelmed by it all that each case, each death has become a mere number to me.

And that’s horrible, I know.

It’s just that the more I think of 3 million cases as 3 million people, the more it weighs on me.

It’s hard to keep my balance when I’m wondering about the pain and suffering. And it’s hard to come to terms with the privilege I live with.

But I send prayers to all the families, all the patients and hope that they see light in and after this darkness.

And even though I’ve been allowing myself to think of it as ‘numbers’, I know it’s not fair. People are suffering and dying.

So, I’ll do my part. I’ll stay home, send good vibes and pray.